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Domestic Violence

Red Flags

Domestic violence is a widespread problem in our society and the leading cause of injury to women. Between 1992 and 1994, the number of violent incidents involving a female victim averaged 4.6 million in the United States. Women are more likely to be victims of non-fatal violence by someone they know (78%) than by a stranger (23%).

In Florida, reported cases of domestic violence increased steadily, reaching a high of 136,382 in 1997. In 1998 the total number of reported domestic violence cases declined slightly, and has continued to decrease somewhat in number and in rate per population through 2004 (119,772 reported cases). There was a slight increase in 2005. The Florida Statistical Analysis Center, FDLE (1992-2005). Crime in Florida, Florida uniform crime report, Tallahassee, Fla.

History

There was a time when violence among family members carried a strong social stigma. It was never talked about, and to the extent possible, violence remained hidden behind the walls of the family home. Education and public awareness campaigns about the cycle of violence have increased general awareness of domestic violence. The way domestic violence is viewed and treated in our society has changed radically in response to this greater public awareness. Today, there are numerous resources for help, safe shelter, 24-hour hotlines, counseling for victims and abusers, provision of legal assistance to people with limited income/assets and other services.

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that one person uses against another. It can include hitting, punching, slapping and other forms of assault. It may include emotional and verbal abuse, withholding of food or a doctor's care, stalking, kidnaping, sexual assault or battery, or any criminal offense that results in physical injury or death of one family household member by another. It can happen to anyone, at any age, from any socio-economic level. Abusers may be a spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, domestic partner or same-sex partner, or a person with whom you have a child in common (regardless of marriage or whether you are living together).

There are many reasons why women and men remain in abusive relationships. Economic or emotional dependence, fear, and low self esteem are recurring themes. "I stayed for the sake of the children," is another reason commonly given for staying in an abusive relationship. It is important to understand, however, that the effects on children who witness family violence are far worse than physically removing the children from such an environment.

Studies show that the effect on children who witness physical violence between parents is more damaging to the children than being physically abused themselves, and the fallout can be extreme. Children, especially young children, feel helpless to intervene or protect the abused parent. Children who are exposed to domestic violence learn that violence is an acceptable method for solving problems. These children tend to grow up to be adults who will physically abuse others, or allow themselves to be abused.

Red Flags
Economic Abuse	withholding money withholding access to financial support withholding telephone or car blocking attempts to obtain employment undermining ability to maintain employment
Sexual "red flag" warnings	called names such as "slut," "whore" or "prostitute" treated as a sexual object tied up accused of having affairs forced acts that were not agreed to forced to have sex with another attack on genitals and other sexual body parts used an object against your partner's will
Physical "red-flag" warnings	kicking biting slapping pushing shoving choking slamming twisting burning smothering grabbing shaking pinching pulling or dragging by hair smacking striking with object or weapon cruelty to children or pets destruction of furniture or other possessions driving recklessly shouting in face non-consensual touching rape intimidation by facial gestures, fist, or feet stalking body blocks or throws
Emotional & Psychological Abuses	failure to respect feelings, rights, or opinions constant criticism of appearance, abilities and intelligence assigning responsibility for every problem or dispute to partner withholding affection or support jealousy unrealistic expectations alcohol or drugs interruptions while speaking changing the subject, not listening or responding turning words against the speaker mocking, belittling, ridiculing lying having affairs use of pornography to intimidate and coerce unwanted acts with videos, movies, magazines withholding information manipulating children's opinion of the partner controlling behavior and contact with others put in fear for life by threats, anger, gestures or physical harm sudden changes of mood any of the preceding acts done in the presence of children

What to do?

Incident Report: If you are a victim of domestic violence, your priority is to ensure your physical safety and that of your children. Leave the situation as quickly and as safely as you can.

If you cannot remove yourself from the immediate situation, call 911 for emergency help. Give the 911 operator your name, address and phone number and tell him what is happening, or has happened. When police arrive, ask that an incident report be filed. Even if you do not press charges, the incident report is good documented evidence that the incident occurred in case the information is needed later. Note the responding agency (Sheriff's deputy, city police officer), the badge number and name of the officer. This is helpful to identify potential witnesses and reports.

Filing for an Injunction of Protection: You can file for a temporary restraining order, or Injunction for Protection. You do not need an attorney to do this. File a petition for an injunction at the Domestic Violence Division located on the 1st floor of the Lee County Justice Center, 1700 Monroe Street, Fort Myers. The phone number is 335-2884. The clerk will assist you in filling out standard forms. There are no filing or service fees for filing for an Injunction for Protection.

Additional Agencies for Help: There are additional agencies in our community that can help with housing, clothing, food and the like. If you need such help, call the 24-hour Hotline at Abuse Counseling & Treatment (ACT), Inc., at 239-939-3112 (Lee County) or 800-500-1119 (Glades & Hendry County).