Talking about a prenuptial agreement will be both logical and emotional. Begin with a general discussion of planning your financial and personal lives together. Talk about your dreams, your careers, whether or not you want children, and what kind of lifestyle you seek. Talk about your expectations of the marriage and of the other person. Discuss your respective roles in this new relationship.

Your goal is to create a positive atmosphere that protects and enhances each of your commitments to a long-term relationship. We suggest that you be guided by three fundamental rules when negotiating your prenuptial agreement:

1. Every action each partner takes should protect or enhance the proposed marriage.

2. Apply objective criteria to initially determine what is reasonable and fair.

3. Deviate from those objective criteria when there is good reason and you mutually and genuinely agree that deviation is fair to each of you.

This is what is meant about the approach we are suggesting:

Actions Must Protect Or Enhance Proposed Marriage

Treat each other with respect and as peers. You each bring something different and valuable to your relationship. What you bring to this relationship and long-term commitment is of equal value to what the other person brings. You do not want to take any actions in your negotiations that in any way encourages or ultimately causes a breakdown in your relationship. It is well known that divorce is one of the most emotionally painful experiences in life. Each partner's actions should protect or enhance your relationship to decrease any probability that a divorce or breakup of that relationship may ever occur. Each person's goal should be to make the prenuptial or cohabitation agreement meaningless because a divorce or breakup in the relationship will never take place.

Objective Criteria To Measure Fairness

Florida law provides a comprehensive set of rules and public policy establishing what is fair in the event of death or divorce. The prenuptial agreement will ultimately be judged against those standards, and if the agreement is found wanting, it will be ignored. Your lawyers can and should explain the rules that apply if you and your partner don't change them. The prenuptial agreement should clarify areas of ambiguity or discretion. It should deal with special situations likely to arise in the context of this marriage, considering the ages and circumstances of each partner.

Good Cause To Deviate From Objective Criteria

There should be a rational, logical reason for deviating from the criteria against which the prenuptial agreement may be judged in the event of death or divorce. The court may very likely ignore such prenuptial agreements as the product of fraud, duress, or coercion rather than the result of a bargained for exchange and balancing of interests. So it is important to avoid "take it or else" statements.

Avoid taking any positions that are the result of undue power or disrespect for the other person. The proposed marriage is not likely to work for any significant period of time if this is how it starts.

Rational, logical reasons for deviating from those objective criteria evidence a balancing of interests that respond to specific concerns in the proposed marriage. A good example of a reason to deviate from objective standards is when you are both independently wealthy, have children from prior relationships, and wish your respective estates to go to your children rather than your new spouse who doesn't need it anyway.