Series on Parenting

by Deborah Hansen

Holidays, Your Children, and Divorce

The holiday season is upon us, yet it may not be the happiest time in your home, especially if the separation or divorce is recent. Your world may have collapsed around you, but you can’t forget that this is also true for your children. Many of us are so devastated by what has happened that we sink into inertia if not actual depression, isolating ourselves from friends and family, just barely getting through our days.

Although understandable, this state of affairs leaves our children fending for themselves, trying to get themselves through with little or no help from their parents. If you find this happening in your home, you must do whatever it takes to regain control for the sake of your kids.

The holidays present a perfect opportunity to reinstate or develop your own family traditions, even though you may not feel particularly festive. Think back to your favorite memories of holidays when you were a child. Chances are those memories may resonate with you even today because they revolved around family and friends. This will be true for your children as well, so dig deep to make the season a happy one for your children, with the celebrations and foods that go along with your particular traditions. Bring out the decorations and make a day of dressing up your home, perhaps along with baking cookies or other treats as a family unit.

The world today is an unsure, often frightening place for kids. With the heightened threat of terrorism always looming in the background, as well as the recent weather-related catastrophes that we’ve experienced directly or through the windows of our television screens, children need all the security they can get, especially children who have experienced divorce. Traditions can create a safe, happy environment for them, even if only within the walls of their home. So, as the dust settles from the divorce, it’s important that a sense of security and stability is restored in your home as quickly as possible for your children, and your first holiday season as a restructured family unit can be a good time to begin.

--November 2005

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Deborah Hansen is a veteran of divorced parenting, and a former middle school teacher. She is also a certified county court mediator, and a regular columnist for several parenting publications. She may be reached for comments and suggested topics at [email protected].

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