Series on Parenting

by Deborah Hansen

Money Makes the World Go ‘Round

As a single parent, I had too much of a lot of things. There was always too much laundry to get done over the weekend, there were too many softball, soccer, and basketball practices and games to get my daughter to on time, and there was too much guilt about the divorce weighing heavy on me at night. At some time or other, raising children alone is too much for all of us who land in that situation.

One thing I didn’t have too much of was money. My ex-husband did pay child support, though, and I realize that I was lucky in that respect. Many single parents never see a dime of the money that has been mandated to help raise the children, which places millions of children in this country in jeopardy every day. But it was due to my financial shortfalls each month that I didn’t institute an allowance system in our house for my daughter. When I had to decide which bill not to pay it never occurred to me at the time to budget a weekly amount for her.

In retrospect, I realize now this was a mistake. There is only one way to bring home the lessons of financial management, and that is to have some money to manage in the first place. Even if the amount is minimal, an allowance with requirements that match real life provides valuable lessons for children and their future, lessons that simply cannot be explained without practice. By giving children an allocated amount each week and expecting them to use that money for specific things, we are laying the foundation for a sound financial future for our kids. An allowance should be used for toys, video/computer games, special items of clothing (including pricey athletic shoes), for example, as well as a percentage for charity. We can teach our children how to defer their gratification until they can pay for it, a lesson that many adults don’t understand in this age of “credit gone wild.”
My daughter received anything she wanted either from me or from her father, often at great sacrifice to one or the other of us. Even though I didn’t have enough money to pay bills, she had whatever she wanted. As an adult today, she has had to learn some extremely hard lessons about managing her money. I could have helped her build a better foundation years ago simply by carving an allowance from that same money I was over-spending on her and then forcing her to live within her means.
She also needed to understand that she was not entitled to all these “things” that were showered upon her. This sense of entitlement cripples people for life as they go from hand-out to hand-out until all the hands are empty or someone finally says “no.” My life would have been less stressful and her life would have been impacted forever if I had simply instituted a financial framework into our home when she was very small.

“Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” --Franklin D. Roosevelt

-- October 2007

<< previous | next >>

Deborah Hansen is a veteran of divorced parenting, and a former middle school teacher. She is also a certified county court mediator, and a regular columnist for several parenting publications. She may be reached for comments and suggested topics at [email protected].

•••