Series on Parenting

by Deborah Hansen

School Days

The pages of the calendar have turned again, and the doors to schools all over the country are opening, children groaning as they get off the couch or push back from the computer screen and go in search of a new book bag and the most fashionable shoes. For all parents but especially single parents, the checkbook often goes into deficit to meet all the needs of this exodus, and it also presents challenges in keeping involved in our kids’ lives while they’re at school.

Parent-teacher organizations always need volunteers to support the schools’ efforts on behalf of our children. Our child’s individual experience at school also deserves our interest and sometimes our intervention. But how do we fit those needs into all the other demands on our time, especially when there isn’t a partner to help shoulder the burden? It’s easy and understandable to close the front door once we return home at night and hope that the rest of the world goes away. However, the job of being a parent has no time clock, and it’s not responsible behavior to pretend that our presence isn’t needed occasionally inside those school doors.

The trick is finding a way to tailor those needs to the time we each have available, both custodial and non-custodial parents alike. In order to determine what the needs are, first try to meet the PTA representative that would most require your attention. That might be a “room parent,” PTA president, or the school principal. Express your desire to help in any way that fits both your schedules. Very often there is work to be done that can be accomplished from home on the telephone or computer at night or on weekends. There are events that happen only once a year, so get your name on the list now for a task that you can easily do.

Next, meet your child’s teacher(s) early in the school year, before there are dilemmas that need attention. As a former teacher myself, I appreciated those folks who took the time to show their interest in both their children and me. As the year progressed I then felt comfortable calling them to discuss an issue with their child before it became a problem. Children of divorce have special needs that parents can discuss with the teacher and counselors that might help young people maneuver through their uncertain situation at home and all the challenges evident in schools today. An attitude of cooperation in dealing with our children must be cultivated, instead of the all too often “them against us” mentality some parents and teachers develop.

The demands presented by numerous personalities and educational levels in a classroom are daunting for a teacher, so small tasks like filing or entering grades in a computer data base or grade book sometimes get behind very quickly. There is also a continuous need in the classroom for simple things like magazines for cut out pictures or plants for experiments. Perhaps those tasks and needs could fit into your busy schedule or budget in some way.

As you contribute in whatever ways available to you, something even more important is happening. Your child will see that he or she is important enough for you to make the effort. My experience has been that even older students appreciate a parent’s attempt to stay involved in their education, even though they might not outwardly exhibit that appreciation. But regardless of students’ ages, they appreciate that a parent has taken the time to show up for them and the school will, too. Your child’s future is at stake and it’s simply too important to leave that responsibility to everyone else during their school day.

-- August 2007

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Deborah Hansen is a veteran of divorced parenting, and a former middle school teacher. She is also a certified county court mediator, and a regular columnist for several parenting publications. She may be reached for comments and suggested topics at [email protected].

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